Hanging on

As we get older does the dull routine of daily life destroy our vital spark or do we eventually loose our vital spark and just fall into a dull routine because it’s more comfortable?

I am in a rut.

The rut goes round in loops so that if I travel far enough along it I get back to the place I started from but every time round it seems shorter.  Seeing the same things, the same few paths open to me and reacting in the same ways to them.  Reliving the same few days over and over with only minor variations.  Following the social norms to fit in with other peoples expectations.  Hanging on in quiet desperation every day trying to maintain the same façade, to keep up the disguise, pretending to be someone I’m not, trying to fit into a mould of the wrong shape, trying not to upset the people around me and all the time acting as though if I just make it through today then things will be better tomorrow.

But tomorrow is always just the same and so it goes, on and on.

When was it that I lost my dreams and aspirations?  Maybe it was when I realised I was not living my dreams because I was living my nightmares.